I really hate to keep a sad tone in this blog, but I'm still mourning the loss of my beloved Bimbo real bad. Yesterday, while driving home from work, I spent the 20 minute ride crying and sobbing while the different images of the endless moments spent with him ran through my mind. I felt so angry at the stupid woman who ran over him, at the doctor who couldn't do more to save me, and at me for having spent one full day waiting instead of taking him to a hospital. I know I had my reasons, but still I can't seem to forgive myself. In my despair I called him out and asked him to be with me one more time, or take me with him.
I get home and I'm welcomed by the barks of both Bovinda and Chucky, and when I come in there's Manchú now... but this doesn't ease my pain. It makes me cry even more as I realize how much I miss and how much I need my Bimbo by my side. I keep telling myself that it's not fair, it wasn't time for him to leave. We both knew there were more days to live together.
I decide to take Manchú for his first visit to the park. He walks so close to me and he's so tiny I sometimes think that I lost him or left him behind. I look down and see him wagging his tail in joy. Again, all I can feel is sadness and despair and I cry all the time, longing for those moments with my Bimbo.
I do like Manchú and it feels good when I see him so little, getting used to me, following me around. But sometimes I think I'm too old now and I won't be able to give him all the time and all the things I gave to Bimbo, being by his side all the time and guiding him until he grows up. It makes me feel sad, not knowing exactly what will happen in the future.
Back at home, I sit and watch TV. I light the last candle for my Bimbo. A tranquilizer soothes my sorrow and slowly makes me feel relaxed then sleepy. I go to bed.
This morning it was another first for Manchú -- a little walking around, this time accompanied by Bovinda and Chucky. Hope he soon understands that this is the time and place to poo and pee.